…and the 2010 Tour ends but the journey continues

It’s been long overdue…closing out the tour. Yes, it is a bit late but I think it’s because we don’t want it to end. Last month we were people traveling to Korea for the first time searching for something…birth family, foster-mother, a building or landmark that might spark a vague memory to our past. But what we did not expect was the immediate connection and friendships to total strangers within a short period of time.

In the last three weeks communication has increased and friends have already traveled to meet up. There have been side conversations to do more for Ilsan’s Clinic, attend Holt and Bethany events, volunteer and even get together for a mini-reunion in 2011. Parents are working to fulfill a dream for Dr. Cho’s book to be translated in English for everyone to enjoy. Who would have ever imagined 19 strangers would get together in a foreign land and connect at this level? It’s been an amazing experience.

As the tour closes many of us return home and struggle to share with loved ones our experiences in Korea, events that may have taken place and reunions with birth family and foster mothers. We struggle with knowing there is no more information to proceed with a birth family search and even though there are other options to search, we struggle with being ready to take that step. We struggle with finding closure and figuring out how this life changing experience fits into our world today. We find comfort in each other and know that we can pick up the phone or send an email and be there to support and be a listening ear without judgment or bias. We spent 10 days, 11 nights together in Korea and share an experience no one else can truly understand. Our journey together as adoptees and as individuals will continue…

Holt International and Bethany Christian Services would like to thank you for your support and for sharing this wonderful and meaningful journey with the tour members. Please forward the blog to others who may want to join us in 2011. For more information, contact Courtney Rader, Adoptee Outreach Director at Holt International at courtneyr@holtinternational.org or Sandy McLaughlin, Executive Director, Bethany Christian Services of Western PA at smclaughlin@bethany.org.

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Day Eight – Full Gospel Church/Baseball Game/Free Day

As the tour heads into its final days we have more optional events and free time. Today we gave the option to attend a Full Gospel Church…we were told the church holds 30,000 people and about 1 million people will attend service in one day. After, we headed to Insadong where we had our last lunch with our tour guide. She has been wonderful and hopefully she will accept the invitation to return next year.

At 3:30 PM we headed for Jamshil sport complex for a baseball game with Doosan and Hanhwa. It was an amazing game and seeing thousands of Koreans and the “cheerleaders” brought smiles to our faces.

While we stayed occupied, we were thinking about Shannon, Sam and Laura who were visiting with their birth families. Knowing Sam and Laura would return earlier, we has another group gathering and listened to Sam as she shared her day with us. Shannon had to travel 4 hours one way to her birth family so we were unable to see her that evening, however after she returned to the hotel she stayed up until 3:30 am writing. This is Shannon’s birth family visit in her own words……………..

Hometown Visit to Andong

Today’s trip began at 8:20 a.m., after 20 tense minutes of finding a last minute replacement translator. Jee Hee went with me and on top of being an adept translator, she is a lively person who kept the day light and fun. A second day-maker was our van driver, Young Sup. A combo of the tour bus lane and his lead foot equaled a 3hr trip, giving us more time to spend with the family on this day-only trip. The estimate from friends who live here was 5hrs b/c it is vacation season.

Back in 2005, I started my search for biological family without any expectations, nor starry-eyed dreams of what could be. Yet somehow, I arrived in Andong this afternoon and joined a birth family reunion out of a young adoptee’s over-romanticized imagination. But I was very lucky and mine was real. My mom was once again there.  My oldest brother, his wife, son and daughter are very positive, welcoming and excited to meet me. My niece and nephew were shy at first but that quickly changed when we started talking L.A., sports and travel. My brother is more reserved and conservative than my second brother. His shyness only made his words more meaningful, each time he talked he looked me directly in the eyes and I felt the kindness before Jee Hee spoke the English equivalent. At lunch today (we had the traditional Lunar New Year dishes) his wife said he has been nervous 2x in life… one when he asked her dad to marry her, and second when he found out I was visiting.

We took a few pictures and did introductions, then he asked if he could take me to receive a hanbok – the traditional Korean dress. I was surprised and of course accepted, you dont really ever refuse the generosity of the eldest brother in Korean families. His beautiful final pick is belo. While my aunt and mom took pictures he stood in the background of it all, smiling. When we all looked at him and asked what he thought, he just nodded, smiled and said, “Yeppuda” (beautiful.) That was that and I now have a beautiful handmade keepsake of this day, my birth city and my brother’s care for me.

From there the six of us took a family portrait at the photo studio. Knowing just one biological face and seeing a similarity was enough for me during this trip. Yet somehow I sat there enveloped in love and inclusion as the camera flashed.  Lunch was a few minutes away and was spring onion / potato Korean pancakes, panchan, bibimbop and a small gold pedestal that included shark (I enjoyed it) and a sweet rice drink. It was right across the street from the Andong Dam. We drove over it and up through a winding scenic area. Since it was across the street from his house we stopped at his restaurant. Yes that’s right…Foodie Shannon has two brothers…and they each own restaurants. Happenstance or nature vs nurture, you decide. I was overjoyed. Next time I come we have plans to shut the restaurant for a family-only dinner. We were driving two cars a few minutes after we arrived home he walked in with our framed photos from the studio and presented me with one and other sized pictures to take.

We looked through their photo albums from their wedding, multiple trips with the kids around Korea, family gatherings, etc. My oppa has a good fashion sense and was stylish back in the day!! He gave me a picture of him on his wedding day, it’s one of my favorites I’ve seen… its one of multiple pictures where he looks so happy you can see the smile in his eyes.

My mom lives very close and we walked to her house for a quick visit. When we got back my second brother and his wife were nearly there. They walked in and they presented gifts to me. It was nearly six so we headed to dinner at their favorite kalbi restaurant. On the way from the car he held my hand. This is common to see with family and friends in Korea, indicative of the familial emphasis that is devoid in the U.S. This brother is the one I communicate easiest with… the jokester/funny/always smiling one. He’s not above an arm-punch or a hair tousle, he and I have similar ways of jokingly showing affection like that. He was teaching me how to properly assemble and wrap kalbi in lettuce leaf. Even w/o Jee Hee, his non-verbal in cases like that make it easy to understand. Tonight he told Jee Hee (translator), that he has no prob communicating and felt like it was such an easy connection between us that we’d had for longer than a week.

I am proud of both of my brothers. I don’t feel a 21 and 19 year age gap between us :). The level of care and planning that Oppa put into making this as full of a day as possible is apparent. During dinner he showed his caring by carefully preparing the kalbi and selecting pieces for me, moving them from the grill to my plate himself with his chopsticks. On the way to the car after dinner, as I prepared to drive back to Insadong, he took my hand and walked with me.  My heart felt happier, and I was glad he was showing affection so outwardly.

Leaving the city tonight was painful even though my heart felt so full. As you could imagine, my mom was in tears. I  thanked and hugged everyone, and especially thanked Oppa for everything he’d done today. Through Jee Hee he said, “I am your big brother. I’ll be with you in your heart. Keep a smile on your face and always be positive. Come back to Korea.” And at that point he started to cry too…

When we drove out of Andong I cried deeply. But I also smiled in amazement because today was real
The five years spaced between my initial paperwork submission in August 2005 and my time today in 2010 was surprise, gratitude, waiting, awe, sadness, guilt, anticipation, and ultimately happiness….

I have two families who love me in different ways. Twice the people to look to as pieces of my past who contribute to my identity.

I am lucky for this.