Connections beyond Korea

Tour leaders (left to right): Sandra McLaughlin & Kourtni Rader

As I sit in the Incheon airport waiting for my flight back to the states, I’m thinking about the last 2-weeks of my life and how the tour has impacted the people who traveled with us to Korea. I remember last year thinking, gosh, the next tour is in 2011—seems so far away. Poof, the 2011 tour has come to an end in Korea, but the memories, connections and experiences will continue forever. Seeing people connect beyond the tour makes my heart sing and for many there will be more ups and downs not only after the tour, but in life. A door has opened and the people on the tour have walked through that door. For some the door may close behind them and for others the door will be wide open. In my heart of hearts I believe Korea will be a special place for everyone who joined us this year.

As for me, Korea has become an extension to the woman I’ve become and the woman I continue to be. Although I grew up in the USA and live in Oregon, a small portion of me continues to live in Korea and beckons my return. I’ve seen connections continue after the tour with many looking forward to returning, some even expressing interest to move to Korea. In many ways, it’s difficult to let go and sit on the sideline–waiting for an email or FB post from people I’ve grown so fond of and who have become more than just friends, they’ve become family. I never thought in a million years I would share this softer side of me…but here I am opening my door for others to enter and look forward to taking the journey with another group in 2012.

Thank you for taking the journey with us–see you next year!
Sandra and Kourtni

What I have learned…

Kayla Tange, adopted in 1982, California

Korean Folk Village

Coming to Korea has been an amazing experience for me.  It has been more and less than I expected.  More, in the sense of support from the group and the amazement I have for my own culture and country.  Less, in the sense of the honest disappointment I have for not being able to meet my birth mother while on this trip.

I have learned so much about myself and others in the group in this past week.   It has been so therapeutic to talk to everyone about their stories and to share mine.  It has been wonderful and also painful at times, but the support and comfort of knowing that there are things that do not need explanation is very refreshing.

Although I have not had a chance to meet my birth mother, I have learned new information and understand the culture a little better and feel I can put many of my resentful feelings to rest.  I have come here to visit my country, birth city and birth mother, but I truly believe I have come here to forgive and I feel like I can finally start doing that.

I also have to add: hats off to the husbands who were on board.  It was very cool to see the unconditional support for your wives.

Reflections on being an adoptee…by Brendan Killian

Brendan Killian, adopted 1987, Massachusetts

Every year, the lotus flower blooms beautifully above the surface of the water.  Every year, its petals fade and it retreats back into itself, biding its time for the following summer.  The flower itself repeats this cycle without knowing why.  This is simply its nature.  This is what it is like to be a Korean adoptee.  Every year we have the chance to bloom with ever increasing beauty, full of life and happiness.  Yet, like the lotus flower, we float on the surface of our adoptive lives, the only ones we know and love.  Each year, in tune with the change of the seasons, our petals fade and we do not know the Why.  We only know the How.  Lotus flowers do not require the Why.  They instinctively take for granted their roots that extend deep under the surface of the water and ground them permanently in their perennial cycles.  But we adoptees need to take an extra step to connect all the parts of ourselves; from the air above the surface of our skin and our eyes down to the submerged silt of our bones and our hearts.  Alas, this, too, is part of Our nature and we are beautiful, resilient, and whole.

Blessed since birth!!!

Posted by Sabrina Gatton, adopted in 1972, Ohio

Cooking Class

Wow, it still seems so very surreal to be in the country of my birth.  I realize more and more how very blessed my life has been thanks to many people, but, in the beginning to Harry and Bertha Holt who began Holt adoptions in Korea in 1955.  It was emotional to see their grave site.  During our time at Holt, I remembered a picture of Bertha Holt and myself many years ago and to see in person the work she started is wonderful.

I had always been told I was from Seoul, but during my birth search for this trip, I was given the name of another city:  Anyang.  I went there yesterday in hopes of finding out more.  We went to the county office and I thought that was the office from years ago, however, after speaking through a wonderful translator to a staff member I found out more.  I asked him if he knew of anyone who may have been in the town in the early 70’s.  Right away he called a man who had been here.  While we waited for the man to arrive, the staff member brought out a picture book of the town and showed me a picture of the county office back in the 70’s, which is the office I was taken to by an unknown lady.  Seeing that picture brought tears for sure.  I had hopes of seeing things back then, but didn’t expect it so soon.  Once the man arrived to the county office I asked him if he knew about the dairy farm/church I had been found at and he said he did.  The farm/church are gone now, but, he knew the location and we were off and running to see the area.  It is now a market.  We also saw the previous county office where my county office may have been located and it is now a nursing home, which made me laugh a little since I work in a nursing home.  What a wonderful day to finally be able to see where I came from.

Thank you Harry and Bertha Holt, Holt International and Bethany for putting this tour together.  Memories to treasure for a lifetime for sure.

Tears, hugs, love, and lots of kimchi!

Posted by Bethany Ankerson, adopted March 1988, Wyoming

Bethany and Foster Mother

The last few days here have been so full of emotions. Emotions that I hadn’t known were hidden deep within my heart. The group of people I am with, who I now call my friends have been incredible. Together we have experienced so much in the last few days, together we have shed many tears, and together we have shared the joy of coming back to the land of our birthplace.

Tuesday we went to Holt’s office and those of us who were adopted through Holt reviewed our files with a social worker. In the beginning we watched a brief film about the history of Harry and Bertha Holt. Once it began and the speaker went on to talk about adoption and the hope children have for their future through adoption, this brought forth tears from me. I cried because I am a product of this hope, a living testimony because of my adoption. A very emotional time for most of us there. Next came my file review and following that, my meeting with my foster mother. Reviewing my file and adoption records went well. Nothing too suprising, I knew most everything a week prior to my trip. And then my visit with my foster mother was so much different than I had ever expected. Upon seeing me, she was hysterical. Crying, hugging, smiling, and talking. Just her way of hugging me felt like I had known her forever. And instantly I felt a connection with this person who cared for me as an infant. One of the first questions I asked her was if she remembered me. To which she replied, “Yes, of course I do!” After awhile we left the office and ate lunch together with our group and the other adoptees who had brought their foster mothers along too. Looking back at our meeting was far more important than I realized. She told me that she had cared for one to three hundred babies through foster care and that I was the first baby to come back and visit her. Experiencing the joy of her seeing me, and seeing the happiness on her face was precious. I am so thankful meeting her was made possible.

Unwed Mother Home

In the afternoon we toured the baby’s home, and Holt’s facility in Ilsan. Seeing the mentally handicapped and disabled in Ilsan was difficult for me. Just the physical and mental state of their health was hard for me to see.

And today…the day we visited the unwed mothers home. Wow, it was as emotionally draining as Tuesday or perhaps more. Being there and having conversations with the birth mothers, and then listening to us as adopted ones answering their questions made it very personal. Yes, again many tears and crying from my deep inside of me, feelings I hadn’t allowed myself to feel as an adopted person. Just hearing the universal thoughts and feelings we have experienced as adoptees and having a time of bonding as a group because of our similarities was healing.

These last few days have been deeply emotional, yet so fulfilling to discover things about yourself and your past you didn’t know even existed. And seeing the hand of God and His faithfulness being displayed throughout my life, even in the little details of my early beginnings has been really rewarding. I am blessed beyond my hopes and dreams.

Through my eyes…

SWS

Post by Matt Anderson, adopted 1983, Michigan

Taking the long taxi ride to a place I haven’t been to in over 27 years was surprisingly calm.  I believed I knew what was in my file and there would be no new information.  Of course I was hoping that there was something more about my past that I could connect to my mother with, but if there wasn’t, that wouldn’t be the end of the world.  When we arrived at Social Welfare Society looking at the SWS sign was surreal.  Thinking I had been in the place at one point of my life even though I didn’t remember it caused some strong emotions inside of me.

We then watched a promotional video that made me even more emotional.  Of course that’s the purpose of the video, but still seeing the unwed mothers speak briefly was rough, especially thinking my mother was in the same situation with me.  After the video we individually met with a social worker to go over our files.  It was basically the same information I had already received from Americans for International Aid and Adoption, which was what I expected.  Seeing the original copies in both Korean and English was something great to see.

The social worker said she had some updates for me.  First it was about my foster mother, who was unable to meet with me, but really wishes she was able to.  While I was disappointed, I understood the circumstances and didn’t want to be a burden to her.  The social worker said she would call one last time to see how the foster mother was doing since I was going to be in Korea for a little while longer and if she was feeling better, she would set up a meeting.  Sandy suggested we get a picture of me and give it to the foster mother which I thought was a great idea.

Then the stunner came, they had an update about my mother.  Coming into this tour I did not want them to find her.  I had all sorts of emotions in my head and heart about looking for her, but in the end I decided I didn’t want to look for her at this time.  When I explained to the social worker I didn’t want to see my mother, she was shocked.  But since she knew, I asked her what the information was.  Unfortunately, my birth mother denied ever having a baby in 1983 (the year of my birth).  My heart sank.  As a matter of fact that was the last thing I wanted to hear.

The social worker then explained that once denying having a baby, there was no more she could do since the mother would not cooperate.   She suggested we could try contacting her again while I was here, but could not do so without my permission.  I told her I didn’t want to pursue this any further right now, since I figured we could find her again if I ever wanted to try again.  While I’m sad I’ve been denied, I’m happy to hear my mother is still alive, has a family and possibly is doing well for herself.  To be honest, I’m excited to think I potentially have brothers and sisters I never knew about.  And while I may never meet them, they are still (potentially) out there.

The rest of the day I was in a fog.  And to be honest, two days later I still am.  However, I’m really lucky that my roommate on the tour was here for me last night and listened to me and when he explained his story I realized I was not alone.   I don’t know what I would have done had I just gone to bed without talking to him and I’ll forever be eternally grateful for him listening to me.  I also have to thank my parents who I called immediately the next morning and listened to me and cried with me.  I don’t know what I would do without the strength of my parents who have been supportive of me my entire life.

One night later speaking with more adoptees (and their husbands) was also great, because we all listened to each other and while we all are in similar situations, they still are different.  However no matter what those differences are, I knew they were there for me and would listen and be supportive.  I don’t think I would have been able to do this search on my own, without the support of the fellow adoptees (and of course their husbands).   This tour has been a godsend for me and I’m really happy I came on it, even if my outcome was not ideal.

Tomorrow we are going to an unwed mother’s home, which we are allowed to skip out on if we don’t feel comfortable going to, but I want to go.  I’m not sure how long I’ll last without crying (like I am right now as I type this up), but if there’s anything I want to say to them is that they should do what they feel is best for themselves and their child.  I wish I could tell my mother I am fine, I’m healthy, happy, have led a good life for the past 28 years, I’m going to live the rest of my life to the fullest, I’m happy and thankfully to her I was born and I am not upset with her.  She may not have raised me, but she’ll always be my mother and I’ll love her.

Thank you Holt and Bethany for hosting this tour, doing all the wonderful work behind the scenes to ensure this trip with 18 strangers goes well.  And thank you Social Welfare Society for making my visit to the agency that helped me settle into a new life as an infant help me reconnect with my past a wonderful one.  SWS went above and beyond my expectations of how they treated us adoptees and while something got lost in translation regarding my mother, I am definitely not upset with anyone involved in the process.

Coming Home

Post by Amy Patterson, adopted in 1971, Texas

Amy Patterson

Walking through the door to Holt Korea offices I had no idea what to expect. Although Kourtni and Sandy had prepped us for a possible emotional-filled day, I couldn’t imagine it would be too emotional for me.  After all, I already knew most if not everything that was in my file, and I wasn’t one of the adoptees who planned on meeting a foster mother today. How emotional could it be?

We were led downstairs to a meeting room and Director Kim came to the front of the room. She began by welcoming us back to Korea, and in that moment my world turned upside down.  My life began here, maybe not in this building, but right here in this spot with Holt in Seoul, Korea. Tears threaten, in this moment I belong; I have come home completely unaware that I was away all these years.  I am all of a sudden whole, never knowing that I had a sense of loss buried deep inside my heart. Today my heart is healed, I’ve come home.

As a Korean adoptee living in America, it isn’t uncommon to get the age old question, “Where are you from?” The folks who ask, aren’t looking for the answer I’m about to give. And whether out of spite or a need to feel 100% American, I never give them the answer they want. I’ll make them squirm to figure out the ‘right’ question to ask….I don’t know what I want them to say, but it looks different from “Where are you from?” My shift today changed everything. The question “Where are you from?” is now absolutely the right question, and the answer, “I’m from Korea.” feels 100% right.

Adoptees at Holt Office

A Day of Anticipation…

A post from Bethany Ankerson adopted in March 1988, Jackson, Wyoming

Bethany Ankerson

Today is Tuesday, and the sky is clear and sunny. It is going to be a beautiful day in Korea and this is the day we are going to the Holt office in Ilsan, where several of us, including myself will meet with our foster mothers.  I am looking forward to this meeting and yet, don’t know quite what to expect from it. Hopefully it will go well and perhaps my foster mother will remember me. Emotionally I’m prepared for this, and I’m also excited for whatever God has in store for me today.

Being here in Korea, on this journey back home has been so good for me. Eating Kimchi for the first time was great, I loved it! Also meeting and talking to other adoptees and hearing their adoption stories has been wonderful as well. I’m sure we will all come home with many new friends. So long for now…on the bus to Ilsan we go!

180 fingers and toes arrive to Korea!

Where to begin? Sunday morning Sandy and I woke up ready to get they day started. We had our game plan set and had to confirm a few details with Mr. Hwang. Michelle, who is an adoptee and living in Korea took the 6 early arrivals to the Korean War Memorial and a few others areas in Insadong. Sandy made appointments for two couples at her massage parlor at the President Hotel…it was nice to have the group explore and spend time together. As 1 PM approached Sandy headed to the airport to pick up three people. As she called to let me know they were on their way to the hotel, I was boarding the KAL to the airport to meet Mr. Hwang and the second group. 5 our of the the 7 were on the same flight so it made the pick-up fairly easy. As we waited for the last two to arrive Sandy and the group were having dinner at the hotel. We would join them shortly. By the time we got to the restaurant people were pretty much scattered and ready to head to bed and relax. A few stayed as the the rest of the group ate some expensive and not so good Italian food. It was nourishment to get us through the night and off the lobby of the hotel. Convenience played a huge part in staying close. The last couple arrived and they immediately went to their room and crashed. I was ready for bed, knowing that today would be the first full day of the tour!

Orientation began at 9 am and immediately I thought–this is a great group! As I looked down the conference table I saw faces that were excited, unsure, tired and anxious in anticipation to get the day started. We introduced ourselves, the year we were adopted, where we currently live and a unique fact about us. Talk about putting them on the spot! You get to know a little more about a person when putting them on the spot to share something totally off the wall. After going over the agenda and sharing a few more details about the tour we were ready to head out. Jennifer our tour guide from last year accepted the position again. Sandy and I could not be more happy. She is absolutely wonderful and I’ve already received several complements about Jennifer. The bus was waiting for us and the weather was a nice spring day that warmed up in the afternoon. I’m not sure if anyone else got burnt. Guess Asians do burn, even though I hear that many do not. Jennifer began the tour with giving us a few pointers, like how to say hello in Korean. She also gave us a few etiquette pointers before getting off the bus to the Blue House and Gyeongbok Palace. We walked around, saw a palace demonstration and even left two people at the Palace before running back in to find them. Head counts are a must, even with 18 people! After a wonderful lunch we headed to Namsan Tower then to Dongdaemun Market where we had about an hour to look around before needing to get back to the hotel for our hanbok fitting and dinner, as a group. Bibimbap seemed to be a hit and many were familiar with the Korean dish. Tonight’s dinner was special, Mr. Hwang bought a birthday cake to celebrate three birthdays in the group. I had to lie to get one over to the other two…told her that Mr. Hwang had to talk to her. Then when he sat down I could tell she was waiting for what he had to say. I kept diverting her curiosity and eventually told her that he would talk to her in a moment. Ah, lies–but I did not want to ruin the surprise. What a special day for everyone. Tomorrow we head to SWS and Holt then Ilsan. It will be an emotional day where adoptees review their adoption files, meet foster and birth families and also visit the residents of Ilsan. I would like for people to share tomorrows experience through their eyes…

Hop, Skip and Jump Over the Pond

It was nice to walk out of the Incheon terminal and see a familiar smile in a sea of Korean faces waiting for me–it was Mr. Hwang from Holt Travel Services! The fact that I started my day at 1:30 am in Oregon Thursday morning and it was now 3:30 pm FRIDAY afternoon began to play with my body. I’ve been up for 27 hours, but could not think like that. I still have several things to do before my head hit the pillow. He asked me how I’ve been and besides the little mishap at Canadian security my flight was great. In Canada security pulled a special gift from my carry on bag and told me that I could not take it with me. I don’t want to ruin the gift, just in case this gets back to the person, but lets just say that it is in the shape of a nail file, but larger and engraved. I told them that security in Portland let me through and that this was a gift for….without hesitation a man said we are not Portland and there is no negotiating, no matter how much pleading you do. Wow, that shut me up. I asked what are my options? I did not like the two options they gave me–check it into one of my bags or they keep it. Oh, no! My luggage from Oregon was going straight through to Korea, I have no luggage to check-it into. Then he said, then we keep it. My response seemed to take forever as my brain scurried to think of another way to get the gift to Korea–in a chipper voice I asked if there post office nearby? I have a three-hour layover and would have time to ship the gift to me at the Somerset. The gentleman said, you can mail it right over there and pointed me to a counter 500 feet away. I was ecstatic and was escorted back through security–now I cross my fingers it arrives before I leave Korea. The layover in Vancouver, BC was comfortable. As was the flight, considering it was 11 hours.

As I walked into the Somerset it was as if I had just been there. I noticed a few changes to the lobby and a new restaurant immediately. As Mr. Hwang accompanied me to the front desk I recognized a few people working last year. We agreed to meet in the lobby in 20-30 minutes to over the itinerary and last-minute details. I did not walk 50 feet into the room and saw Sandy’s smile and was greeted with a huge hug. Yep, this will be home for a few weeks. The rooms are very comfortable and she was gracious to give me the larger room, maybe because I must have room for the shoes that await me in Korea. I scurried to unpack and met Sandy and Mr. Hwang in the lobby. We had 7 PM dinner plans with friends, but after our meeting I was too tired and we rescheduled our dinner for next week. The pillow kept calling my name, luring me and after a chat with Sandy I gave in to my pillows whispers of sweet dreams and went to bed at 9 PM. Like clockwork, I work up at 4:30 am feeling a little off, but overall refreshed and my instant coffee never tasted so good.

Four tour participants arrive tonight, three from Texas and one from California. They are on the same plane which makes picking them up easy. I’m sure they’re in the air as I’m writing this post and anticipate their arrival. Today, Sandy and I plan to spend time together, maybe get pampered a little before the tour begins. I’m also on the hunt for tennis shoes, the only thing I forgot to pack.

Heading to the Big K

I’m not sure if I actually slept last night. I know my eyes were closed, but my brain continued to be on high-speed. Last night at midnight I had to peel myself away from the computer and suitcases to only find myself hovering over both again bright and early. Coffee never tasted so good and my day up until now has consisted on green tea and water. Staying hydrated is important on long flights. As 6:00 PM approaches I feel really good. I am 95% packed and have everything organized. If it ain’t packed by now, it’s not going! Sandy called me this morning to let me know she made it to San Francisco and was upgraded. I had to call her a brat and asked people on Facebook if that was immature or just being jealous. Of course, one of our board members told me I was being both, but that she would have called her that too. Sandy also mentioned she did not pick up pectin for Molly. So off to the store I went and could not find pectin anywhere. For someone who stopped grocery shopping over a year ago (yes Jon does the grocery shopping), I’ve been spending a lot of time in the grocery aisles the last few days. I had to seek out someone to ask where to find pectin, the young man look puzzled as did I. We stood there silent, looking for each other to give a little more info…dead silence, stand still, we were at a draw. Then out of nowhere a woman who must have witnessed our blank stares said that pectin is in aisle 9 to the right. Right away the young gentleman felt the need to accompany me to the aisle.

After pectin I ran a few more errands and headed back home to finish packing. Made calls to the bank and credit card company to let them know I will be traveling overseas and to note oversea charges. Please do not flag my account. I sent out the last tour group email of the day recommending packing an extra outfit and cannot live without items in the carry on bag just in case something happens to their check-in bags. I remember last year at the IKAA Gathering in Korea a few friends had to go out and purchase a change of clothes and toiletries. Most importantly, they were on the hunt for deodorant. So I always pack an extra outfit and personal items I can’t live without, like my hair straightener.

It’s now 6:05 PM and I’ve got my iPod charging and added a few more tunes for the 14 hour flight to the Big K. Although I’m still thinking about the people joining us in a few days I’m ready to spend the night with friends at the Sports Park, eating tacos and heckling the other soccer team. This is my last post from the great state of Oregon and from the United States, my home. I head back to Korea for my 5th visit and one would think I’d be a pro at this by now, but the butterflies in my stomach are there as I anticipate returning to a country I have grown to love and respect.

You’re kidding me?

As I continue to get things together for Korea, Jon asks me what I want for dinner. I told him, I’m not sure you choose. Low and behold he has been craving sweet and sour shrimp-what? You’re kidding me. Of course he says I’m sure Asian food is the last thing you want to eat tonight…ah, yea, but because I love you we can order Chinese take out. Of course I have to go and get it–they always give me more food and the larger container of soup. Maybe I’m looking into this too deep. But I will say that when Jon picks up Chinese take out…he gets regular (or smaller) portions!

I feel like a grocery store…

It is custom to bring gifts and special thank you items for people in Korea. I found this out last summer when my Korea mom brought my adoptive mother, older adopted sister and me gifts. I thought we were just going to dinner at a vegetarian Korean restaurant. I also thought I was going to pay for dinner, but Korea mom can be quite persistent and I understood exactly what “anio (aa-nee-o) 아 니 오” meant–we used various Korean words in my family growing up. Many I can not repeat here for this rated PG blog. She said no several times and I tried to explain to her older daughter who speaks broken English that I want to pay, but gave up after the hand started waiving in the air. That hand gesture is universal and does not have a language barrier.

My mission to bring these back home

After dinner we went to what has become our favorite tea house in Insadong and some shopping. I literally dream about the shaved green tea dessert and green rice treats with honey. My mom has asked me to find these green rice sticky treats in Korea and bring some back…so I’m on a mission. After a wonderful evening we went back to the hotel and this is when my older sister brought up the gifts. It was so thoughtful and I felt awful that I did not realize what was custom. Of course Sandy, my mentor laughed, shook her head and said, yes it is custom to bring gifts. I felt like such a “Korean newbie”.

So this year, I am not only well prepared but also asked Sandy and Susan Cox what people in Korea like from the USA. Hence the post, “I feel like a grocery store”. Can I just say that my new suitcase quickly lost its new smell and now smells like I’m carrying a coffee and chocolate shop to Korea. Ground coffee and chocolate–who would have thought. Oh and also other items such as wash cloths, various lotions, soaps and my favorite dinosaur chewable vitamins for the babies and children in Dr. Cho’s clinic. I’m sure customs sees more peculiar items passing through, but for someone like me these items are out of my usual shopping and packing list. But to be honest I enjoy bringing things to Korea that help make the lives of children and residents of Ilsan and people who have helped us on this journey smile.

Today, I woke up on my own before my alarm clock went off. I think I was dreaming about my “to do list” again. As I turned on my laptop, I saw several messages from people joining the tour–they’ve been communicating the past few weeks, finding activities to do on their free days. I love it! Of course many questions were in my inbox and although many were apologetic for feeling like they were bombarding me with questions–I loved it! For some odd reason I feel better knowing people have questions. Maybe because it verifies that I know (for the most part) what I’m doing. Or if I don’t know the answer I can ask someone who has the answer and I’ve been able to gain more knowledge.

I’m thinking about Sandy today. She leaves for Korea tomorrow. I’m thinking about my 2 am shuttle to the airport Thursday morning. Should I sleep or just stay awake through the night? I’m thinking about my Seoul Sisters from last summer. Has it really been a year since the last tour? I’m thinking about the people joining us this year. All this planning and it’s right around the corner. I wonder who is more excited…me or the people I will greet with a sign at the Incheon airport.

…and the 2010 Tour ends but the journey continues

It’s been long overdue…closing out the tour. Yes, it is a bit late but I think it’s because we don’t want it to end. Last month we were people traveling to Korea for the first time searching for something…birth family, foster-mother, a building or landmark that might spark a vague memory to our past. But what we did not expect was the immediate connection and friendships to total strangers within a short period of time.

In the last three weeks communication has increased and friends have already traveled to meet up. There have been side conversations to do more for Ilsan’s Clinic, attend Holt and Bethany events, volunteer and even get together for a mini-reunion in 2011. Parents are working to fulfill a dream for Dr. Cho’s book to be translated in English for everyone to enjoy. Who would have ever imagined 19 strangers would get together in a foreign land and connect at this level? It’s been an amazing experience.

As the tour closes many of us return home and struggle to share with loved ones our experiences in Korea, events that may have taken place and reunions with birth family and foster mothers. We struggle with knowing there is no more information to proceed with a birth family search and even though there are other options to search, we struggle with being ready to take that step. We struggle with finding closure and figuring out how this life changing experience fits into our world today. We find comfort in each other and know that we can pick up the phone or send an email and be there to support and be a listening ear without judgment or bias. We spent 10 days, 11 nights together in Korea and share an experience no one else can truly understand. Our journey together as adoptees and as individuals will continue…

Holt International and Bethany Christian Services would like to thank you for your support and for sharing this wonderful and meaningful journey with the tour members. Please forward the blog to others who may want to join us in 2011. For more information, contact Courtney Rader, Adoptee Outreach Director at Holt International at courtneyr@holtinternational.org or Sandy McLaughlin, Executive Director, Bethany Christian Services of Western PA at smclaughlin@bethany.org.

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Day Eight – Full Gospel Church/Baseball Game/Free Day

As the tour heads into its final days we have more optional events and free time. Today we gave the option to attend a Full Gospel Church…we were told the church holds 30,000 people and about 1 million people will attend service in one day. After, we headed to Insadong where we had our last lunch with our tour guide. She has been wonderful and hopefully she will accept the invitation to return next year.

At 3:30 PM we headed for Jamshil sport complex for a baseball game with Doosan and Hanhwa. It was an amazing game and seeing thousands of Koreans and the “cheerleaders” brought smiles to our faces.

While we stayed occupied, we were thinking about Shannon, Sam and Laura who were visiting with their birth families. Knowing Sam and Laura would return earlier, we has another group gathering and listened to Sam as she shared her day with us. Shannon had to travel 4 hours one way to her birth family so we were unable to see her that evening, however after she returned to the hotel she stayed up until 3:30 am writing. This is Shannon’s birth family visit in her own words……………..

Hometown Visit to Andong

Today’s trip began at 8:20 a.m., after 20 tense minutes of finding a last minute replacement translator. Jee Hee went with me and on top of being an adept translator, she is a lively person who kept the day light and fun. A second day-maker was our van driver, Young Sup. A combo of the tour bus lane and his lead foot equaled a 3hr trip, giving us more time to spend with the family on this day-only trip. The estimate from friends who live here was 5hrs b/c it is vacation season.

Back in 2005, I started my search for biological family without any expectations, nor starry-eyed dreams of what could be. Yet somehow, I arrived in Andong this afternoon and joined a birth family reunion out of a young adoptee’s over-romanticized imagination. But I was very lucky and mine was real. My mom was once again there.  My oldest brother, his wife, son and daughter are very positive, welcoming and excited to meet me. My niece and nephew were shy at first but that quickly changed when we started talking L.A., sports and travel. My brother is more reserved and conservative than my second brother. His shyness only made his words more meaningful, each time he talked he looked me directly in the eyes and I felt the kindness before Jee Hee spoke the English equivalent. At lunch today (we had the traditional Lunar New Year dishes) his wife said he has been nervous 2x in life… one when he asked her dad to marry her, and second when he found out I was visiting.

We took a few pictures and did introductions, then he asked if he could take me to receive a hanbok – the traditional Korean dress. I was surprised and of course accepted, you dont really ever refuse the generosity of the eldest brother in Korean families. His beautiful final pick is belo. While my aunt and mom took pictures he stood in the background of it all, smiling. When we all looked at him and asked what he thought, he just nodded, smiled and said, “Yeppuda” (beautiful.) That was that and I now have a beautiful handmade keepsake of this day, my birth city and my brother’s care for me.

From there the six of us took a family portrait at the photo studio. Knowing just one biological face and seeing a similarity was enough for me during this trip. Yet somehow I sat there enveloped in love and inclusion as the camera flashed.  Lunch was a few minutes away and was spring onion / potato Korean pancakes, panchan, bibimbop and a small gold pedestal that included shark (I enjoyed it) and a sweet rice drink. It was right across the street from the Andong Dam. We drove over it and up through a winding scenic area. Since it was across the street from his house we stopped at his restaurant. Yes that’s right…Foodie Shannon has two brothers…and they each own restaurants. Happenstance or nature vs nurture, you decide. I was overjoyed. Next time I come we have plans to shut the restaurant for a family-only dinner. We were driving two cars a few minutes after we arrived home he walked in with our framed photos from the studio and presented me with one and other sized pictures to take.

We looked through their photo albums from their wedding, multiple trips with the kids around Korea, family gatherings, etc. My oppa has a good fashion sense and was stylish back in the day!! He gave me a picture of him on his wedding day, it’s one of my favorites I’ve seen… its one of multiple pictures where he looks so happy you can see the smile in his eyes.

My mom lives very close and we walked to her house for a quick visit. When we got back my second brother and his wife were nearly there. They walked in and they presented gifts to me. It was nearly six so we headed to dinner at their favorite kalbi restaurant. On the way from the car he held my hand. This is common to see with family and friends in Korea, indicative of the familial emphasis that is devoid in the U.S. This brother is the one I communicate easiest with… the jokester/funny/always smiling one. He’s not above an arm-punch or a hair tousle, he and I have similar ways of jokingly showing affection like that. He was teaching me how to properly assemble and wrap kalbi in lettuce leaf. Even w/o Jee Hee, his non-verbal in cases like that make it easy to understand. Tonight he told Jee Hee (translator), that he has no prob communicating and felt like it was such an easy connection between us that we’d had for longer than a week.

I am proud of both of my brothers. I don’t feel a 21 and 19 year age gap between us :). The level of care and planning that Oppa put into making this as full of a day as possible is apparent. During dinner he showed his caring by carefully preparing the kalbi and selecting pieces for me, moving them from the grill to my plate himself with his chopsticks. On the way to the car after dinner, as I prepared to drive back to Insadong, he took my hand and walked with me.  My heart felt happier, and I was glad he was showing affection so outwardly.

Leaving the city tonight was painful even though my heart felt so full. As you could imagine, my mom was in tears. I  thanked and hugged everyone, and especially thanked Oppa for everything he’d done today. Through Jee Hee he said, “I am your big brother. I’ll be with you in your heart. Keep a smile on your face and always be positive. Come back to Korea.” And at that point he started to cry too…

When we drove out of Andong I cried deeply. But I also smiled in amazement because today was real
The five years spaced between my initial paperwork submission in August 2005 and my time today in 2010 was surprise, gratitude, waiting, awe, sadness, guilt, anticipation, and ultimately happiness….

I have two families who love me in different ways. Twice the people to look to as pieces of my past who contribute to my identity.

I am lucky for this.

Day Seven – FREE DAY & Dinner Cruise

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Just what the doctor ordered! Today is a free day. Emotions are still running high and we thought it was best to give people the option for a cultural tour or to tell us what they wanted to do. A few decided to stay at the hotel and relax. Most of us went shopping in Itaewon then to Namdaemun Market. Like pros, we found something at each place.

We headed back to the hotel around 4 PM to shower and get ready for the Dinner Cruise. It was fabulous. There was a water show and a wonderful fireworks show capped off our evening. As we headed back to the hotel we decided to have a group party in Shannon and Jennifer’s room. We bought a mixture of beverages and snacks. We talked until 1:30. We shared, talked and had the best therapy session-it was non judgemental, open and an opportunity for everyone to connect on a deeper level. We are sad the tour is nearing day ten, but I have a feeling these relationships will continue for decades.

Day Six – Birth Family & Birth City Visits

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Today was a very emotional day for all of us. There were three main groups. Group number one joined Dr. Cho to Ilsan for Grandma Holt’s memorial ceremony. Group number two joined Courtney at the Holt office to meet their birth mothers. Group three joined Sandy at Eastern to meet with the President and one adoptee met her foster mother. Four other adoptees and their loved ones traveled with a translator to their birth cities. Today is the day and reason why everyone traveled to Korea. Sandy and I helped coordinate, plan and prep the group but no one can really be prepared.

Later that night our Korean friends Nathan and So-Yeon took us out!

When ready, we will post stories and writings of those who met their birth mothers, foster mothers and city…

Day Five – Suwon

Today one of our adoptees returned home. I stayed in Seoul with her until her ride arrived at the hotel for the airport. She will be missed, however she knows it is best for her health to return early. Since I did not join the group today, I’m sharing today’s events through the eyes of an adoptive mother, Sue and through the eyes of Sam, an adoptee on the tour. Tomorrow will be an emotional day. Tomorrow adoptees will meet their birth families and several will visit their birth cities. Sandy and I have been working very hard to make sure all arrangements have been made, but how can anyone truly be prepared? Everyone at Holt Korea, Eastern and Holt Travel Services has worked very hard on behalf of the adoptees and their families. Tomorrow will be a day to celebrate, grieve, question and connect further with our birth country…

Through the eyes of Sue:

Knowing that this morning’s activity would be one of the most painful part of our time in Korea, a number of adoptees opted out of going to Goundeul, one of Holt’s homes for unwed mothers. This particular facility, which is at least an hour away from Seoul, houses a maximum of 29 woman. On the day of our visit they were at capacity.

Unwed mothers in Korea are held in great shame, not only to themselves, but to their families. These girls are often disowned by their families and have no where to go. Unmarried pregnant women without partners are forced to choose between giving up their children or having difficult lives with them. In many ways, these unwed mothers are viewed and treated the way unwed mothers in the U.S. were treated some 60-70 years ago.

As we arrived at the facility, we were ushered to what looked like a little classroom where the director of the home explained the plight of the women living there. She told us that some of the women have decided on adoption for their babies and some have made the difficult decision of keeping them. Another group of women have still not made decisions. Afterwards, we moved to another area and our group met with the unwed mothers in large open area with us all sitting on the floor in a big oval. There was an awkward silence, but our wonderful Korean translator, who goes by the name Jennifer when she is translating, got the ball rolling along with the director of the home.

The young adoptees wanted the birth mothers to know that they had good lives and were happy, but that they still think about their birth mothers. The unwed mothers were eager to learn if the adoptees were angry with their birth mothers for relinquishing them; none were. As one of the four adoptive parents in attendance I told the young mothers that in America we have a special day just for mothers, but on that day, in my heart I celebrate my children’s birth mothers. The young mothers were cautiously curious if we are happy if our children want to find their birth mothers and, to their relief, all four parents at once smiled and said yes. The young mothers also asked questions about racial differences, but the adoptees were able to voice their experiences. It seems very hard for the birth mothers to understand the “melting pot” concept of America since Koreans believe so strictly in blood lines. As questions were asked and answered, the boxes of Kleenex that had been on the floor were passed all around as the tears flowed freely.

Our adoptees were eloquent in telling the young mothers how thankful they were to their birth mothers for allowing them to have the life they have had. Some of the adoptees in attendance will be meeting birth mothers within the next few days making today’s meeting a look into their own past. Jennifer, our adept translator, had never before translated a session between adoptees and birth mothers. She would often choke up and tear up, both in Korean and in English.

When the session was over, we broke for lunch at a local Korean restaurant–again with some great new Korean food!

Through the eyes of Sam:

Suwon Goundeul – one of five Holt houses for unwed and pregnant women. We arrived there around 10:30 this morning. The center’s focus is school for the mothers, pre and post-birth therapy and career education. Up to 29 women can live there, women there range from 13 to their mid-30s. The center is supported by government subsidy and donations. Sandra pointed out that if/when there is interaction between the biological and adoptive mothers it is an interaction of trusting and gaining trust. I agree with her that when adoptive parents are afraid of biological parents and minimize their presence, it is like saying a part of me doesn’t exist. Support of a child’s curiosity for their culture and biological family is a significant part of who the child is and will be.

After we met with the director and staff we headed upstairs. We met with the women living there to talk and answer questions we had. We sat on the floor with the groups facing one another in the main common space. They offered us some OJ, bananas and moonpies. Jennifer was back as our tour guide for the day, and also translated.

A young woman in a black jumper and a white shirt with an abstract red heart across the front asked us a question. Sam began to answer and got choked up. I think we collectively felt what she did too. For me, this was the first time I’d talked with women who were facing the same questions my birth mom had. Their present choice was a thought my mother had at a point in the past. Even in a foreign tongue, the emotion and gamut of conflicting thoughts in their heads and hearts was apparent.

Jennifer’s translation was an act to be witnessed. She was in the most emotional position out of all of us! She not only heard and understood the words, but them had to recite them again. As someone’s daughter and a mother herself, it was easy to understand why she had to stop many times to collect her composure before she could finish.

A vital part of what we said today came from the adoptive parents on the trip. Susan shared that she celebrates her children’s biological mothers on Mother’s Day. David spoke about the gift Lauren’s mom provided to them, her decision gave them a family and Lauren.

One of the women who’d given birth recently had her baby there with us. When he started to cry I thought about how I’d feel if that was my baby and I knew he was only with me for a while longer. It hurt my heart and I started crying. How impossible it has to be for her, knowing she would be separated from him soon. I had to write what I wanted to communicate on a piece of paper because at that point I don’t think I could have made it through a full sentence. My piece was that I’d never been angry, just felt lucky. I told them I thought they were brave and strong and thanked them for being here and sharing with us. After we wrapped up we took a group photo with everyone.

As the group stood up, a girl came up to me. She looked me in the eye and just wrapped me in a hug. I held up my camera to ask if we could take a picture. Her name is Chang Eun and that is her and me above[photo on her blog page]. The brief, wordless experience changed me quite deeply. Our combined experiences bridge my past and her present. Without any words, that full circle moment became a part of my memory I might not ever forget.

Day Four – Panmunjeom

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Today Sandy and I did not join the tour. We were preparing for birth family reunions and birth city visits. One of the adoptees on the tour will share her story

Panmunjeom through Scottie’s eyes:

Today was the day we could say we were on the Korean peninsula, not just in South Korea and not just in North Korea, but the entire peninsula.  It was our trip to Panmunjeom, where we went to the Joint Security Area and the DMZ.  Between the strict dress code, heightened tensions between the two countries and military exercises being done by the US and South Korea, we were all really nervous to go, especially when we found out that our Courtney and Sandy (our trip coordinators) AND Mr. Hwang (our trip coordinator in Korea) weren’t going!  Holt did not organize our tour, but instead, signed us up to join a tour through the Korean Tourism Bureau, which is the only way to go to the DMZ.  So for this trip, we were joined by a tour guide who went by the English name Laura and many other tourists from all over the world.

On the way to the DMZ, we first stopped at Unification Park in the town of Munsan.  Here we saw a variety of memorials, with the majority of the memorials (if not all of them) relating to the Korean War.  After a quick look, we had a wonderful lunch and continued on.

Next we stopped at Imjingak Tourist Resort; to best describe it:

“The sadness and pain left by the [Korean] war that started in June 25th, 1950, ca be felt here through the various remains and displays.  It is a place where over millions of visitors come annually to pray for the reunification of the nation.”

It was our first time to be on the border, near the barb wired fence, between North and South Korea.  At this site, we saw all the wishes of the Korean people (and tourists) for a united peninsula; people would purchase a ribbon, write a note and stick it on a fence.  We also saw the Bridge of Freedom, where 13,000 South Korean prisoners of war crossed back to freedom and where 82,000 North Korean prisoners went back to North Korea after the Korean War.  There was also an alter for families who have been divided or for families who have buried family members in Korea.  Since Koreans normally visit the gravesites of ancestors to pay their respects, and families were separated or defected to South Korea, an alter of this kind is of significant importance to the people.  People can come here and do what they would normally do at gravesites that are in North Korea.  In another part of the area, there were four sculptures, out of wood, in the shape of people.  One is standing tall, the second is shorter and is more in the ground, the third is in the ground more and the fourth is almost all in the ground.  The sculpture represents the hope of the Korean people and how it’s slowly losing hope for unification.

The last object worth mentioning at Imjingak is the steam locomotive.  The conductor was driving military supplies and had to abandon the locomotive, as it was destroyed with more than 1,020 bullet holes.  Laura told us that the driver felt awful that he had to abandon his locomotive but about 50 years later, he was able to revisit the locomotive and the man felt completely relieved to be able to see it again.  It now stands as a symbol of the war on the Korean peninsula.

Finally it was time to go to the DMZ.  Laura was wonderful to help remind us of the rules and of the dress code.  When we arrived at the DMZ, we were no longer allowed to take pictures until told; our passport was checked twice and we were checked to make sure we had followed the dress code.  After we were allowed into Camp Advance or Camp Bonifas, the northern-most South Korean military base which has Korean and American, we went straight to a building that the United Nationals Command Support Group uses.  We were only allowed to bring what we could fit into our pockets (ie our valuables) and a camera in hand.  We weren’t allowed to bring any wallets or camera cases.  We had a quick history lesson and were told about a couple of incidents in the DMZ.  Even though people had been repeating that Korea was still at war and no one could guarantee our safety 100%, listening to these incidents was a real wake up call that said Korea is still in the middle of a war.

We then had to board a military bus; our driver was a soldier and then we had an additional solider on our bus with us.  Once we were on the bus, we were not allowed to stand, take pictures or point.  Instead, Laura told us if we wanted to point, we needed to use our chins (which was mildly amusing for all of us!).  We drove pass the world’s most dangerous golf course (one hole, par 3, surrounded by landmines) and drove straight to the Joint Security Area.  Before it was the Joint Security Area, there were North and South Korean building interspersed in this area; after the “tree chopping incident,” it was decided to make more of a division between the buildings and split the area in half.  In the Joint Security area, we were allowed to go into the main conference building and we were allowed to take pictures (Tourists coming from South and North Korea both are allowed in this building when it is available to the public; it might not be available due to more North Korean guards, meetings that are happening etc).  This is the building where you see diplomats having talks between North and South.  It was here where we were able to cross the Military Demarcation Line and technically, be in North Korea.

Within the building, there was one table with three microphones on it, which represents the line between the two countries.   There were also three South Korean soldiers: there was the one who rode with us, one who stood in the middle and one who stood about 2 feet in front of the door that leads to North Korea.  We were not allowed to stand behind the guards and had to be at least 2 feet away from them; if something should happen, they need to be able to react quickly and without obstacles.    Outside, a raised cement block divides the two countries.  We had no more than 5 minutes inside this building and before we knew it, we were outside for about five minutes and took pictures of the outside.  We all did our best to not point or wave because there was a North Korean solider who could see us from the other side and we were told that the North Korean soldiers hide in the other buildings with cameras; they want to take pictures of Americans to use as propaganda.

With our cameras put away, we sat and did our best not to point as we continued on.  We drove pass the point of the “tree chopping incident”; the tree no longer exists but we can only imagine that it would have been huge to have blocked the view from a lookout in South Korea to a lookout in North Korea (which sits on a hill).  Then drove pass the Bridge of No Return where the two countries would trade prisoners of war.  Once the prisoners were returned, they were no longer allowed to return to the other side.  After quickly taking pictures of both of these points, we sat back down and were taken to the souvenir shop.  Once we left the DMZ, we all finally felt like we could breathe again.  It was an incredibly intense day because no one wanted to make the wrong move!  However, in the end, we all understood, just a bit better, the 50+ year situation on the Korean peninsula, and for some of us, it is the beginning of our adoption stories.

Day Three – Korean Folk Village

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Today we traveled about an hour to the Korean Folk Village in Youn-in City. The village sits in a natural environment of 243 acres and more than 260 houses from the different regions and the living culture of the Joseon Dynasty. You can feel how our ancestors lived not too long ago. We were entertained with an instrumental farm dance, singlerope trapeze and watched a traditional wedding. Towards the end we shopped at a large market where half of us bought beautiful hair decorations to sweep our hair off our shoulders. We returned to the hotel early and several people headed off to a hanbok shop and reserved tickets to Jump. Sandy and I went out to dinner with So-Yeon and her younger sister at a traditional, but slightly different Korean restaurant. As always, we learn so much from them.

Tomorrow the group visits Panmunjeom. It should be a very interesting day!

Day Two – Holt Office and Ilsan

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Day two of the adult adoptee tour began at 9:00 am with a visit to the Holt office for adoptees to review their adoption files. Director Kim of Post Adoption Services greeted the group and introduced President Min, Molly, Dr. Cho and the social workers working on our birth search requests. After the file reviews we headed to lunch then to the Holt Reception Center where we were able to interact with the babies and toddlers.

Many did not want to leave the Holt Reception Center, however we had to get to Ilsan for the BBQ. During the half hour ride, Dr. Cho shared her story and how she met Harry Holt. It was interesting to hear about her work as a pediatrician and work she is currently doing for children. She is truly an amazing woman. At Ilsan we watched a short film and got a short tour of the place. We visited the largest home for the most disabled residents. There was a little boy who touched our hearts immediately. He ran out of the front doors to greet us and hammed it up for us. He was very disappointed to see us go and we could not seem to leave him. Eventually we pulled ourselves away and ended up in the working area where residents do various jobs to earn money. We had the opportunity to purchase items in the gift shop. All the items are made by residents. I picked up a few items for our Texas Holt fundraiser in November. I may end up bidding on them! It was very warm at Ilsan, but that did not deter us from the Korean BBQ we were hosting. Staff greeted us with smiles and there was enough food to feed a village. It was nice for the group to sit with Molly, Dr. Cho, Mrs. Choi and eat outside under a gazebo.

As we headed back to the hotel, I broke out the karaoke machine on the bus. Several of us took turns, however the highlight was Mr. Hwang from Holt Travel Services singing Piano Man. It was an emotional day with reviewing adoption files, but everyone was in great spirits as we approached our hotel–several people decided to continue with going out and experiencing norabanging tonight.

Tomorrow we visit the Korean Folk Village and take a step back into our history to experience traditional Korean life and culture.

Day One – City Tour

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Today was a full day to say the least. Day one of the tour included a city tour: Gyeongbok Palace, The National Folk Museum of Korea, Blue House, Chungyechun, Namsan Tower and East Gate Market. We left the hotel at 9:00 am and boarded our bus. Many of us think the bus is set up with karaoke. I’m sure we will find out soon. Jennifer our guide is wonderful. She is witty, very knowledgable and patient with the group.

Our first stop was Gyeongbok Palace. The first thing we noticed was the beautiful buildings and it brought us back to they dynasty more than 600 years ago. The palace is surrounded by a wall and at one time 2,000 guards protected the palace day and night. We saw the garden for only the queen and how important it is for the queen to have a son. If the queen did not the king would go to one of his concubines until a son was born. She said that it is “rumored” that the concubines would compete for a son and even poison another concubine so she could have the son. If a concubine bore a son she would have all the power. Shortly after we entered the palace there looked to be guards marching in full dynasty attire. As we were drawn into our Korean history, we could not help but notice the beautiful mountains surrounding the palace. What stuck us even more were the skyscrapers and Korea’s development in the background of this palace which at one time housed the king and his royal family.

As we exited the palace we spent time at the National Folk Museum of Korea. The museum is located on the grounds of Gyeongbok Palace. The history of Korea is something we cannot get enough of. Many of us mentioned returning on a free day to spend a few hours reading and studying the history of our ancestors. Exhibition Hall I provides a timeline of Korean history and important turning points in the daily lives of Koreans. Exhibition Hall II depicts the traditional agricultural and daily life of the people in a village throughout the circulation of the four seasons. Exhibition Hall III focuses on the typical progression from birth to death of someone born into the noble class. There is a children’s museum which adults enjoyed too. Albertine and I played around with a virtual screen where we our image was on a large screen and animated people entered doors and bowed to us. Of course I had to be a ham and do the “walk like an Egyptian” pose and Albertine left the screen in the middle of the figure bowing to her. Jennifer our tour guide gave a lesson on how easy it is to read and write Korean…well it’s not as easy as she says. However, she said that she could teach us before we leave Korea. We will see about that. As I headed outside I bumped into Karen and we headed to an area behind the museum. There was a game where you throw rods or arrows into a tin container. We played two rounds and Karen beat me both times. The hour at the museum flew by.

Due to our busy schedule, we drove by the Blue House (like the White House in DC) and Jennifer gave us some great history about the North Korean terrorist attack and how it closed the Blue House to the public. Only recently did the president open the Blue House to the public. Our next stop was Chungyechun. The river runs through Seoul and is recognizable by a beautiful river walkway. Many people cool off, eat their lunch and take romantic walks at Chungyechun.

After lunch we headed to Namsan Tower. The walk up hill was a good workout, but today was very hot. At times we wonder how Korean women can keep their hair down and not break a sweat. As we approached the top of the hill a performance was just getting over. Luckily, we finished the view from the tower just in time to see the next performance. The view is unique and gives you a 360 degree view in the observatory with a panoramic view.

The last stop was East Gate Market and we were able to shop for an hour. Most of us will return on a free day or in the evening. We end the day with dinner on our own and mentally prepare for the Holt office visit in the morning. Tomorrow evening we host a BBQ dinner at Ilsan for the residents and tour members will meet Molly Holt, Dr. Cho and Mrs. Choi at Ilsan. As 10:00 PM approaches, we have Emily and Heather helping to put bags together for Ilsan, Holt and other visits from the group. What a great first day!

Tour Begins

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It’s 11:00 PM, July 23 and everyone arrived safe and sound. Karen and Scottie arrived yesterday afternoon and Sam arrived at 4:00 am today. There were three groups arriving and Mr. Hwang, Sandy and I managed to coordinate greeting people at the airport, traveling to the hotel, check in, hanbok fitting and orientation without major glitches. Being flexible in Korea is key and everyone was happy to accommodate changes to the orientation schedule due to a flight delay.

It was nice to see smiles, hear laughter and have everyone in good spirits despite their long flights. Tomorrow is a busy day with a city tour visiting Gyeongbok Palace, Blue House, East Gate Market, Chungyechun and Namsan Tower.

Star of the Sea

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I would like to share an entry from my mother. This is her first time to Korea and it has been a dream for her to return to the country where her daughters are from…it was a very special day for the three of us.

Today Morgan and Courtney indulged me. While Courtney had been to her orphanage on a prior visit to Korea, she knew that I wanted to see the place where she had spent the 6-7 months before she came home to us.

At 12:30pm we met in the hotel lobby and joined our translator. A van had been procured to take us on the hour long ride from Seoul to Incheon. The ride was uneventful, but full or urban sites and wickedly dangerous drivers!

Star of the Sea convent was founded in 1888 by the Sisters of St. Paul. In 1894 they established the children’s home to take care of the children who were left there by their parents. The children’s home, or orphanage, continues to this day. At the present time they have 105 children ranging in age from newborns to seven years old. When Courtney was there, there were more children with a wider age range. At the time, Courtney was the oldest, at age two-and-a-half, of 90 infants in the baby home. While it is in Korean, you might find the Star of the Sea website interesting: http://www.hschild.or.kr/

Courtney was found abandoned and taken to Star of the Sea in August of 1979 and left to join our family in March of 1980. In the early 1980s we were fortunate enough to locate someone who had been at Star of the Sea and taken photos of the grounds during the same time Courtney was there. Those photos have been a prized possession for many, many years. Today, I got to see the real place. While changes have been made over the past 30 years with remodeling and new construction, the exterior of the main building remained the same.

As we passed through the gates and into the complex I was struck by how beautiful it looked. The grounds were green and lush and the playground colorful. We took a few photos and climbed the rock steps to the main entrance where we took a few more photos with the “Star of the Sea” sign above us.

We were welcomed and shown to a small meeting area and were brought some wonderfully refreshing orange juice. Soon we were joined by Sister Emily Anna, the director who has been there for three years. She readily found Courtney’s record, a one-page document with a darling little photo of a two-year-old Won Hun Hee, as Courtney was then called. The document verified the dates of admission and departure, but nothing else. The first two and a half years of her life will most likely remain a mystery. We shared stories about Courtney’s early years and the information that the Holt Agency had provided us. We then asked if we could tour the facilities. When Courtney was last there, the staff did not allow her to do so.

Sister Emily Anna took us on a tour of the children’s accomdations which are separated into several distinct areas with the children grouped by age. I think we saw all 105 children who live there. Sister’s easy way with the children, and the numerous loving staff with the children was heart-warming. We all ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the babies and delighted in the older children, some of whom were real hams for us! Sister had the oldest children practice their English with us by saying “My name is ……..” as well as hello and good-bye. We were charmed. It was especially touching to see the two-and three-year olds knowing that they could have been Courtney’s peers.

Sister then took us on a lengthy tour of the compound including the laundry area, the playgrounds, the volunteer center, the new construction which will house children 8-18 when it is completed. Currently, children over the age of seven are transferred to various other orphanages. We were impressed with all the aspects of the facility. We commented on the number of workers and Sister informed us that while they have a staff of ten nuns at the orphanage, they have over 70 volunteers on a daily basis mostly from a nearby university. It was very obvious that the children were well cared for.

Needless to say, this was a very meaningful experience for me and I was delighted that Courtney was able to see more of her orphanage than she had on the previous visit. The pictures I’ve cherished for so many years were now real and the memories of today will stay in my heart

Many little things add up

Finalized the itinerary, rooming list, flight pick-up and drop-off and several other little things today…which seem to add up. We’re still working to confirm city visits, transportation, translators, etc. Most are confirmed and we will be working on birth search requests and meetings until the end of the tour. Our partners in Korea are working very hard and I can not imagine the workload they face-not only are they working on this tour, but several others as well as the IKAA Gathering in August where over 500 Korean adoptees are expected to attend. Several adoptees from our tour will stay for the Gathering.

I see from Facebook posts that it’s raining in Korea. I remember last year how hot, humid and raining it was. Maybe we can do a “no rain dance” before we depart for Korea..I wonder what shoes I will have to wear for this dance.

I leave for Korea on Monday, July 19. Sandy leaves on Thursday, July 22. What a wonderful experience this will be for everyone! I hope you enjoy following us on this grand adventure.

…and the journey begins

Welcome! The Holt-Bethany Korea Adult Adoptee Tour is a tour for adult adoptees and loved ones over the age of 21. This year we have 18 people joining us – for everyone this is their first time to Korea. We have adoptive parents, biological children, siblings, adopted siblings and individual adoptees coming together to experience the rich culture, heritage and adoption heritage of Korea. Many have chosen to search for their birth parents. Although the tour is hosted by Holt and Bethany, we have adoptees attending the tour from ESW, AIAA, and Children’s Home Society.

This tour is led by Korean adoptees Sandy McLaughlin and Courtney Rader. We share the common life experience of adoption and understand from a deeply personal perspective how important it is for some adoptees to explore their adoption. Sandy is the Executive Director of Bethany Christian Services of Western PA. She is also on the board of Adoptees for Children. Courtney Rader is the Adult Adoptee Outreach Director for Holt International in Eugene, Oregon.

Tour highlights include staying in the InSadong district of Seoul which is filled with galleries, tea houses, shops and restaurants. On the weekends the main street is closed to traffic and there are often street festivals and music. We will visit a traditional Korean Folk Village, the National Palace, Seoul City tour, Chunggyechun water-walk, the tower at Namsan mountain, Panmunjeom (DMZ), local markets, and shopping districts. We will also attend a Korean baseball game, the world’s largest church, the Full Gospel Church, an evening dinner cruise on the Han River and farewell dinner at the Korea House with traditional music and dance.

A special part of the tour is visiting the Holt office and Reception Center in Seoul. For adoptees not adopted through Holt, we make special arrangements for agency visits. We will visit the Post-Adoption Department where adoptees can see their adoption file, go to Holt’s Ilsan Center where the work of Holt began and enjoy a casual Korean BBQ in the countryside with Molly Holt and the residents of IlSan. The tour includes a visit to a Maternity and Child Care center where we will meet birth moms and children in Holt’s care. Dr. Byung Kuk Cho, the Holt pediatrician who provided medical services and pre-flight physicals to thousands of adoptees from the early 1960’s – 1990’s is joining parts of the tour to be available to answer questions and tell wonderful stories of her many years working with children. Her amazing spirit and dedication is an inspiration to everyone she meets.

We are excited to have you join us though our blog. Please feel  free to comment and share our journey with others. Maybe you will feel inspired to join us next year!